What's Assertiveness? And, how is it different from Aggression?

Assertiveness is a way of behaving (and is often post deliberate thinking) that allows the person to stand up for his or her own rights and at the same time showing the respect for the rights of other to him the behaviour is being directed towards.

More often than not, non-assertive people tend to be passive till they are provoked in to a corner bringing out their aggressive side. Passive individuals are not committed to their own rights and are most likely to allow others to infringe on their rights than to stand up and speak out about it. The passive person is so concerned with being liked and accepted that he or she may never recognize the need to advocate.

On the other hand, aggressive persons are very likely to defend their own rights and work to achieve their own goals but are frequently likely to disregard the rights of others. This is more often due to their self centred approach to life. As a result, aggressive individuals insist that their feelings and needs take precedence over that of other people. They also tend to blame others for problems instead of offering solutions.

An assertive attitude and behaviour is at the heart of effective advocacy. A person with an assertive attitude recognizes that each individual has his or her own rights. These rights include not only rights to individuality, to have and express personal preferences, feelings and opinions, but also legal rights. The assertive individual not only believes in his or her rights but is committed to preserving those rights in self as well as others. An assertive attitude is important in recognizing that rights are being violated. The assertive person clearly expresses his or her rights or needs. They tend to face problems promptly and they focus on solutions rather than the problem.

If one desires to enhance one's assertiveness skills, assertive listening is the most important advocacy skill that requires to be practiced. The goals of assertive listening are:

1. let the other person know that you want to understand his or her point of view and would therefore desire to ask for clarification without sounding like throwing a challenge
2. Understand accurately what the other person is saying and
3. Let the other person know that he or she has been understood with an acknowledgement or what executives call “test understanding” statements.

Remember that understanding is different from agreement. You can understand what the other person is saying without necessarily agreeing with him or her. This is often called in communication as “agreeing to disagree” without being unpleasant.

About Shaw Macons

Shaw Macons is a Leadership Coaching and consulting services firm specializing in performance measurement solutions that increase accountability for bottom-line business results. Whether it’s developing a scorecard for a corporate, determining return on investment for a human resources program or conducting a business impact study on an organization change initiative, Shaw Macons consultants partner with clients to create powerful measurement methodology. Please visit our web site, shawmacons.com to learn more about us.

Going Beyond The Elements of IQ & EQ ...

My dear friend, Kishor Jagirdar wrote on Wednesday, 23 May 2007 in businessgyan under the title "Harnessing Human Capital for Performance Excellence" on what I'd spoken about the transformation of HR practices at the HR Summit organized by IHRD.

I'd mentioned the relevance of SIX SIGMA in HR processes and stressed on three core points for HR practitioners

1. Know your business ... learn to speak the business language
2. Know your environment ... continuously build Leadership Capabilities and
3. Understand the Key Drivers of Success ... build on everything that leads to Job Satisfaction

I'd suggested the use of metrics in the recruitment process, training and project management and every other facet of management practice to improve the quality of talent intake and performance bench marking ultimately resulting in well being and harmony in work life.

I'd proposed that one has to develop an HR team powered through HR as well as management expertise. HR Generalists must be a coach and counselor, a good orator, an influential, objective and ethical leader, technology savvy, a strategic planning expert and finally a business partner in the growth of the organization to meet the challenges of the next decade.

In two years the world has gone through a sea change ... and how. HR practitioners have been struck in the thick of the recent Global Financial Meltdown since the past 9 months being pulled to the fore on their strategic thinking towards cutting costs while continuously motivating key talent. While there are some signs that the recession in some countries may be lifting, most organizations continue to soldier on with reduced workforces, frozen or diminished wages and other challenges. Many organizations say it's tough to keep their employees energized and engaged in such a climate.

The competency to deal with these ambiguities has been tested to the core in our HR practitioners. As coaches and counselors they need to have four crucial elements to build what Stephen Covey calls the "Voice" of their personality. The voice, as I understand, stands for 'Executive Presence' which goes beyond the elements of human mind (IQ) and heart (EQ). Neither the IQ nor EQ give Usain Bolt his voice. It is his Physical Quotient (PQ) that makes the world sit up and listen to his thoughts. This is the same PQ that followers look up to in their CEOs and public leaders. It is the same PQ that brings down a person with the plethora of ailments that afflicts the modern manager. Finally, the fourth crucial element is the Spiritual Quotient (SQ).

The Sarbanes-Oxley Act of 2002 (SOX) is a legislation enacted by US in response to the high-profile Enron and WorldCom financial scandals to protect shareholders and the general public from accounting errors and fraudulent practices in the enterprise. As an after effect of this organisations have been flirting with the concept of Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) in various forms including setting up organisation specific 'Code of Ethics' (CoE). But the CoE has not retarded the appetite or crudely put the greed with which the world saw the fall of Lehman Brothers or the bail out by JP Morgan Chase of Bear Stearns in September 2008 at the beginning of the Financial Meltdown. It would take these strong knocks for us to realise the importance of our SQ to create and sustain our Executive Presence in today's world and for times to come.

About Shaw Macons

Shaw Macons is a Leadership Coaching and consulting services firm specializing in performance measurement solutions that increase accountability for bottom-line business results. Whether it’s developing a scorecard for a corporate, determining return on investment for a human resources program or conducting a business impact study on an organization change initiative, Shaw Macons consultants partner with clients to create powerful measurement methodology. Please visit our web site, shawmacons.com to learn more about us.

Code of Ethics for Leadership Development

Dan McCarthy is a practitioner in the field of leadership development for over 20 years. He is currently the Manager of Leadership and Management Development at a Fortune "Great Place to Work", "Training Top 125", and "High Impact Learning" (HILO 80)company.

He has a lot of unwritten rules around ethics, confidentiality, and behaviors that he adheres to when practicing leadership development. They are just practices picked up over the years based on his own personal values, learning from others who have high ethical standards.

Here’s an experience that he say's he’ll never forget that had a big impact on him. He was in his early twenties and just starting in a new position as a corporate trainer. He was in a meeting with his supervisor, manager, and vice-president – three levels of hierarchy. They were in the process of rolling out a new supervisors training program, and a component of the program was sending out surveys to the participating employees and manager. The forms (no online surveys back then) were supposed to be sent directly to an outside vendor for the purpose of needs assessment and evaluation. He found out the manager wanted to keep copies of the surveys for each individual supervisor – without telling anyone. “No one will know, and it would be good information to have to know who our good and bad supervisors are” was the rationale. Being young, he was appalled and gave an impromptu and passionate speech on the evils of such an approach. He said he’d refuse to be a part of it. His supervisor turned white, the manager turned purple, ...... but the vice-president agreed with him.

It wasn’t the best way to manage up and influence and his manager certainly wasn’t pleased with him in the short term. But in the long term, it paid off. Over the years he has had lots of opportunity to refine the technique (less confrontation, more influence) sticking to his guns and has not been fired for it.

I’m sure these rules are applicable as much for others who work in leadership development, or talent management – i.e., those in HR, training, coaching, and consulting.

Last year the ICF (International Coaching Federation) adopted a Coaching Code of Ethics.

Dan has followed their lead and proposed a Leadership Development Code of Ethics:

1. I will not divulge leadership assessment results (360s, MBTIs, DISCs, etc…) to anyone other than the recipient of the assessment, unless it is clearly stated in writing whom the assessment data will be shared with.

2. When facilitating a talent review meeting, I will never share the details of these confidential discussions with anyone who was not at the meeting. What’s said in the room stays in the room.

3. I will not share the details of discussions that occur during a training program to the participant’s managers, nor will I share my assessment of the trainee’s behavior or leadership potential (unless it is clearly stated upfront that assessment or grading is part of the program).

4. I will not share succession planning information with anyone but the owner of these plans. I will never tell, or even hint, to anyone about their potential status.

5. When coaching a manager, or helping with a development plan, I’ll not share with anyone the details of our discussion.

6. I will at all times strive to be a role model for the leadership behaviors we are responsible for developing. There is no “on and off” switch.

7. I’ll maintain a high level of respect for the leaders I work with. There will be no “boss-bashing” or “witch hunts”. My role is to help the good ones become great, the struggling ones become better, and establish a culture and processes that weed out the bad ones. I’ll look for good examples instead of always looking for flaws.

8. I will not practice cult-like or just plain wacky leadership development programs or practices. I won't use my role to advance my spiritual beliefs or social causes. I'm paid to develop proven leadership and management competencies – it’s not social work or a personal pulpit.

9. I will treat external vendors/suppliers/coaches/trainers/contractors with respect and look for win-win partnerships. I will not bully or take advantage of these partners.

10. I will respect the intellectual property of others. Copyrights and trademarks will be honored.

Dan adds a "Warning" : stubbornly refusing to bend on these rules could get you fired, or at least irritate some very powerful people. But then again, so could breaking them. Which would you rather be fired for?

About Shaw Macons

Shaw Macons is a Leadership Coaching and consulting services firm specializing in performance measurement solutions that increase accountability for bottom-line business results. Whether it’s developing a scorecard for a corporate, determining return on investment for a human resources program or conducting a business impact study on an organization change initiative, Shaw Macons consultants partner with clients to create powerful measurement methodology. Please visit our web site, shawmacons.com to learn more about us.

THINK ABOUT IT ...

It's amazing what George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent...and so very appropriate so many decades ago ...

Here's the Message:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side..

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent..

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. If you don't send this to at least 8 people.....Who cares?

About Shaw Macons

Shaw Macons is a Leadership Coaching and consulting services firm specializing in performance measurement solutions that increase accountability for bottom-line business results. Whether it’s developing a scorecard for a corporate, determining return on investment for a human resources program or conducting a business impact study on an organization change initiative, Shaw Macons consultants partner with clients to create powerful measurement methodology. Please visit our web site, shawmacons.com to learn more about us.

Is a Career Coach for you ?

Career coaches aren't just for Fortune 500 CEOs. You and me can both make use of one as well. Yes, it's no surprise that even coaches need coaching from coaches with more experience. So, if your question is how's that? I'd say that good Coaches guide you in achieving so many things in life. Not only career related but in areas of personal development as well. So let's explore what this Coach can do and why you should make use of one.

Your Coach can help your Career Advancement

Do you get passed up during promotions in your organization? Your Career Coach can most certainly work with you to help on it. A good Career Coach will be able to help you identify areas of your professional life that you need to work on. Often it will be your skills or competencies that need some working on. But, if you don't bother to ask, you'll never know.

Your Coach will help you develop your goal, a strategy and a plan of action. Good Coaches help you decide exactly what you want from your career and identify areas that you need to work on. This in my view is the number one reason for using a Career Coach. If you don't even know where you are going you'll never get there.

Your Coach can help you in your Career Transition

Today, more often than not, there are far too many who are a victim of lack of guidance, landing up with careers they are not so happy with. Are you happy with your current career? or do you fancy a change from it? A Career Coach can help you here, too. Sit down and develop a plan to either retrain for a new career, even if it is to start up your own venture.

Sit down with your coach, develop a plan. If you don't, you'll just keep plodding away in your current career. Before you know it, several years will pass and you'll still be an unhappy soul. Don't let your life pass bye. Take the step to take control.

Your Coach can help you in Achieving Your Dreams

Everyone has dreams though most never get down to achieving them. You just don't have to be one of those if you take control of your actions in making the most from your life. Of course to make your dreams come true you need a plan, Often we come across those that don't have a plan ... to me their dream is just a fantasy that does not have a strong desire to fulfill. Then there are those that have a plan but find the "brick walls" that seem too difficult to overcome. More often than not that you need the Coach, a friend, philosopher and guide to give you the confidence to carry it through.

Once you've devised your plan it's easy to put it to one side and forget about it. But when you have a Coach he / she'll push you and give you the stretch to achieve your goals along the way.

Have you hired a Career Coach, a Leadership Coach, an Executive Coach or a Business coach – good or bad? We want to hear about your experience, and the criteria you used to select your coach. Please give us comments with your tips, suggestions or feedback!

Leadership Coach @ Shaw Macons